my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
it's like iHOP with fire
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Randomize
