i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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