Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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