Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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