Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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