Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
