I want to stick my p in your. b.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
