im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Less talking, more tequila
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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