Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
