3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
