Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
