I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
