how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
