I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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