I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize