my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
