I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
