WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Randomize
