I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
