is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
