Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
