yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
