Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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