if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
