'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
