Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
