your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
