i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
