omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
