if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
