Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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