the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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