somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
