I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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