Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Randomize
