she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
