We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
