a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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