I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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