Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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