i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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