can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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