Will you blow on my dice?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
