you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
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