I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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