Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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