i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
