an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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