wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
