I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
