I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
