Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
