If that was your dad, he is hot
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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