guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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