I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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