The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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