The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
