I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
