i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
