Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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