Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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