guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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