Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize