and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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