Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
